Sunday, October 4, 2009

Wanna stop...

but I won't. Feeling really shitty about my excursion to Re:FUSE last night.

Actually, 40 Watt Hype is a great band, and I would love to go if they were playing at a club somewhere.

I was making myself go alone so that I might have a chance of talking to someone, approaching a stranger and striking up a conversation. I just ended up feeling like the weird girl who was there by herself. Some quotes from my note taking, I warn you they are maudlin:

"If I go back to the status quo of what I did before I started this, what would be so bad? 33, single, living with family, friends that love me..."

"At least when I wasn't going out, I didn't feel bad about myself in this way."

"What if it's really just me? What if e-Harmony is right and I am among the 20% of people who can not be matched?"

"What if you try your hardest and still nobody wants you?"

Went to youtube and found a happy song video that sums up how I feel today.


  1. Ugh, I know that feeling. It's such a specific kind of crappy. Anyway, I just wanted to give you some encouragement. Not the "Hang in there, there's someone for everybody!" baloney, because while I'd like to think so, really who knows. But you're practicing bravery by stepping out of your comfort zone, and it seems from reading your posts that you're learning things about yourself. Either of those on their own seem worth it, both is impressive, and anything/one else you get out of this is just bonus.

  2. Kristen that "Happy Song" was so funny -- I needed that laugh today! Thanks!