Saturday, October 10, 2009

I am inspired...

to sing. 'I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds...'

So, my friends, for the past two weeks, I have burst into tears for no reason, snapped at people just because, and generally been horrible to myself and others. Had I known the location of a mental hospital yesterday, I would have committed myself. Enough is enough.

It occured to me, as I was making some decisions yesterday, mainly dealing with jobs, that I have been hiding behind my family for a few years. It is time to step up and become an adult, master of my own destiny, responsible to myself and my world.

Obviously I have been trying to delay adulthood. I can honestly say that I'm just not sure what being an adult means. I spent ten years in school avoiding the real world, and now about five years in Circle N land. Where do I start? Get a job - working on it. Get an apartment - working on it. Sit my family down and explain that doing this is for my mental well-being - putting that off until the last possible second.

As far as job hunting is concerned, I'm a little scared, because I have few workable skills. I'm great at Customer Service, I can type, all of my experience is in Retail or Theatre, what in the world am I suited for? I am going to the Bartender's School, since it's pretty cheap and quick, but the lack of experience scares me a bit. The good thing is I know what I don't want, and that is kids, or rather working with kids. Just because you are good at something, doesn't mean you should do it.

Alot of you, my friends, have questioned my decision about bartending. Here's the short of it; I have excellent customer service skills, a really good short-term memory recall for details, and (with the exception of this summer) my feathers don't get ruffled in stressful situations. Also, since I know that this blog is supposed to be about me dating, and it hasn't been for a couple of weeks, I'm hoping that being social for my job will help me develop some better communication skills in my life.

Right now I am picturing a few of you rolling your eyes at me.



  1. sometimes taking any step at all is the first step. keep up the good work!

  2. Hurrah! No one is saying that any of this is easy. It isn't. But it is worth it and I think your general satisfaction with life will increase exponentially the more you move into a life you actively create for yourself.

    And the same can be said for all of us. :D

  3. I'm not saying you won't be a great bartender, and you're right, it might improve your social skills. I AM saying that bartending turns more people into cynics than any other job I know.

    But you WILL get laid a lot, that I can assure you! ;-) Something about being in that position of power makes people much more attractive and customers want to flirt with the matter what.

  4. Trust me when I say no job can turn me into a cynic. I'm just not wired for it. I believe Jag called it my 'maidenly persona'??? Can't remember exactly, but I've never been able to hold onto depression or negativity very long. This current state that I am in is the longest I've gone in a funk. Really.