This has been quite a week, but unfortunately no date. I've been thinking all week of perceptions, how others see me, as opposed to how I see myself. So many times in the last few weeks I have been called brave, but I have to tell you that I'm really motivated by fear.
Fear that I won't finish this silly project, like so many things I've started before. Fear that a movie of my life would be one scene, of me sitting by myself in a movie theatre. Fear that I will wake up ten years from now in this same bed from which I am writing, in the same room, in the same house, on the same property where I have lived 90% of my life.
I was reminded this week that I am occasionally percieved as a push-over, dumb even. A nineteen year old boy made me feel like an idiot, just by taking my authority away in the most underhanded fashion. He percieved me in a way that was so against the vision I have of myself.
To prove to myself again that I am worthy of regard I decided to take matters into my own hands. This morning I sent e-mails to a few of the gentleman (those I was pretty sure were single) in my facebook friends list, inviting them on a date. I've had one response so far, but unfortunately he's not single - my bad. I have cards now and intend to have them on hand wherever I go. Hopefully next week when I go through the Starbucks drive-thru, the cutie in the window, that has been chatting me up the last couple of times, will be there again.