Thursday, September 17, 2009


No reason to add this photo, I just think it's funny.

A major obstacle in my dating has always been my ability to be honest with myself. I am, at times, brutally honest with myself. i.e. - I thought I looked hot one night, but look back at pictures and realize I was just a hot mess. Once sex, or the thought of sex, enters the ring, I turn into a tongue-tied imbecile who can not form a complete sentence. I thinking I'm flirting, but end up with the guy looking around for someone more coherent to talk to. Still, I have moments where I am dishonest, blind spots.
So, right now, I am in a pickle. I am hanging out with a guy I like a lot, but romantically? Not sure. His main appeal, beside the fact that he makes me laugh, is that he tells me I'm pretty with much frequency. But that's the thing, that isn't his main appeal, it's just the thing I think about when people say 'you're hanging out with Him again?'. I can not relax about this, it is not in my nature. I realize that there is no such thing as altruism, and that relationships, whether romantic or friendly, are full of self-gratification, reasons to be involved with a person merely to advance yourself in some way, but I don't want to be User.
Here is where I get honest with myself. I have hung out with this person 4, maybe 5 times, it is obviously not anything more than friendship at the moment, I will relax and see what happens.


  1. interesting post. I have hung out with you some, and you ARE pretty and generally really honest with people.

    I wonder if the guy in question is just really busy right now? Maybe he's working on a project, like you just did with Shakespeare, and hasn't much time for more?

    It's so hard to tell with us guys, isn't it? The only thing more complicated and confusing than a guy is a WOMAN ;-P

  2. I am aware that he is very busy and important. I'm just being a baby, which is how I am allowed to be on my blog.