Learning on the go

You know that part where I am supposed to be all truthful and stuff on here? Well, I'm having a hard time with that. Mostly because real people's feelings are involved, real people who read these posts and might be offended by what I have to say. Real people that I allowed to become my facebook friends, which I now realize was a mistake. Learning as I go here people.

So we've already determined that I am a big chicken, scared to approach a stranger in a bar, or the guy that comes into my store on a semi-regular basis. I'd like to address these topics right now.

Topic number one, I recently started chatting with a nice guy in Fresno, I'll call him JT. I met JT on plenty of fish, a dating website with no illusions of grandeur. JT seemed like a pretty cool guy, but you should know that we exchanged maybe only four emails total before he found me on facebook and I accepted his friend request. We already had a few mutual friends. So last week when I went to the Bartender's Challenge, JT decided to show up. And it was awkward. Sorry dude, but it was. Our attempts to include JT in the conversation were stilted at best, he didn't have much to contribute, and sort of stared at Lisi, Chris and I as if we needed to entertain him. Well that's what it felt like anyway. I'm sure that he could tell you another side of this, so JT if you are reading this please comment back. Needless to say, no chemistry, and I will not be pursuing anything further with him.

Side note: I actually got cussed via email by a guy on POF, for not responding to his email in what he thought was a timely manner. Definitely not going to respond now, WTF?

Topic number two, my chicken instincts are kicking in as I write this for fear that the next man I mention will read this and tease me mercilessly about it. HB is a guy that I see in my store on a pretty regular basis, and I've been crushing on him since I was about fifteen. He's good looking, funny, easy to talk to and we are so polar opposites that we could fill up Sears Tower with all of the levels that we are incompatible. Alas, I still get a silly girl rush when I see him pull in the driveway. I have been saying for about a year that I was going to get up the courage to ask HB out, still hasn't happened, partially because, if he says no, I still have to see him regularly. That whole carpe diem thing does not work for me.

So a new rule for this site, don't accept the friend requests of people you don't know. And Kristin - grow a set!

Bartender's Challenge

I am a chicken!

Lisi was kind enough to join me tonight at Creative Fresno's Bartender's Challenge, which was a god send because otherwise I may not have made it through the door. Though I felt good in my choice of outfit, and was feeling pretty hot, I didn't know anybody and felt awkward introducing myself. Most of the people seemed to know each other, and well, as I've already stated, I'm a chicken! One very nice guy, Albert, introduced himself and suggested that I come to the Blender next Fri. night, which I will try to get to. This didn't seem conducive to mingling even had I been better equiped. The music was loud, the place was dark.
Excuses, excuses. I'm lame!

Thanks for the support Lisi! (and Heather, who came over to Million Elephant after her rehearsal.)

Shoes

The Black and White dress has won out. I haven't worn it in a while, so I'm glad, but now on the shoes and earrings. Well, really just shoes, because I am wearing these earrings. Sorry the picture is blurry.

Lisi suggested red shoes and I remembered that I had these fabulous goodies in the closet. Possibly the most comfortable heels I own, but I'm not sure about the style.

I've never worn these, because of the uncomfortable factor, but just looking at them makes me purr. Oh, how I love shoes.

These are the shoes I would normally wear with this dress. ????

I think it's pretty obvious that it's between the top two pairs. What do you think?

My friends, as you know, I will be attending Creative Fresno's Bartender's Challenge this Tuesday night and now is the time to choose an outfit. I'll probably drag this into two posts, just so you know! First things first - the dress. Please let know your favorite, the dress with the most votes will be the one I wear.

This black and white is super flattering, with lots of sparkle, but keep in mind that all shoes I have for this dress are uncomfortable. But Hot!


This is the dress I wore for my plantation excursions with Brooke and Nicole. I have a matching hat, but don't worry I won't wear it. It's really pretty on, very Daisy from Great Gatsby.

I've never gotten a chance to wear this brown linen shift. It's pretty flattering even with the Bam-Bam trim.

And last, but not least, the old standby. This pink dress makes me feel like a hot tamale, but I've worn it a lot lately.

This is me today, trying to care what I look like, but failing.

Much love!

On Assignment

I have three phone numbers, and lots of nerves. Just about an hour ago I called shy Jeff, got his voicemail, so maybe that will happen, maybe not. As soon as I get done with this post I plan to call Jag and William. I'm a little short of breath and jittery, but I have to keep reminding myself that it's no big deal. The biggest issue I have with asking out someone like Jag is that I have to see him for the rest of the summer, since I will be stage managing the show that he plays the lead in. However, I know that he's a cool guy, so my logical brain is telling me it's no big deal.

Upward and onward. Heather has given me an assignment to get myself out there and promote. I am doing this by going to Creative Fresno's Bartender's Challenge. Anybody want to go with? Heather can't go because of rehearsal - lame excuse ;) It's next Tuesday, June 21st. I'll try to get some outfit ideas posted so I can get some feedback. Ta for now.

One of those days

It's a really good thing that I had no date scheduled for this weekend (although I will have some catching up to do) because I have been awful all weekend. I tried really hard not to project my sadness, frustration and anger on the people around me, but I think that my store may have lost a customer.

Sidenote: How do you return something to a store, with no tag or receipt, and expect that the store will give you a full refund for it. I merely pointed out to irritating customer #1 that I would have no way of refunding her an amount that she had no proof of, and that if she would like to glance above my head she would see the GIANT red sign that says 'No Returns without a receipt'.

So back to the project. Andy and Jen are setting up another group thing with Jeff, because apparently they don't think that I scared him sufficiently the first time. A & J are so sweet though and I really appreciate the effort. Tomorrow Laura has a meeting with a guy named Terry that she's going to try to get me a date with. Cross your fingers! Kris has a phone number for a single dad, which I will get Tuesday night as we stand in line for the Harry Potter midnight show. Maybe there will be a fun nerd standing in line with us that I can test my bravery with, and ask out. Until then I'll just try to 'Keep calm and carry on'.

It's Official!

I am now 33 years old.

Credit where it's due

People have been asking where this crazy idea of mine come from, and I have to give most of the credit to my good friend Brooke. Brooke and I tend to have a pretty open line of communication, so when I told her a few weeks ago that I was just going to give up on the dating game, she told me that I'd never even started. I was slightly annoyed by this observation, but when I really thought about it, I realized that I was annoyed because I knew she was telling the truth. I haven't dated that much and I certainly haven't put myself out there in an inviting way at all. So here I am, throwing myself into the world. Thanks Brooke!

Awkward

Miss Obnoxious Dumbass, complete with her hyena laugh decided to make an appearance last night when James Sherrill and Alicia Buss brought Jeff, to our performance, to meet me.

Now Jeff seems like a really nice guy, but shy, very very shy. When I introduced myself after the show, he complimented my singing (points for him), but Lisi, god bless her, jumped into the convo and Jeff faded out of it. In her defence, Lisi had no idea there was a set up happening, and was so very sweet with her compliments. I attempted another burst of conversation after getting out of costume and helping to clean up backstage, but struck out. We headed, in a group of 8, to Denny's for an after show bite and that is where Miss OD decided to surface. You see, my friends, when I get nervous I get loud. It's an out of body experience really, an instinctual attempt to be the life of the party, complete with sexual innuendo, grating laughter, and command of the conversation. I see it happening and can not stop myself. Did I ask him about himself? No. Thank him for coming to see the show? No. Listen to anything he had to say? No. Of course that is what I looked like from the inside, I can not imagine what my dinner companions saw, so if you were there please enlighten me.

I did have the good sense to pull out my card and suggest that he call me. Or rather, I think my exact words were "You should call me, goodnight everyone". Not awkward at all, very smooth Kristin.

Big thank you to James and Alicia, and my new PR agent Heather, I hope that at some point in this project I can make this worth all of your investment.

Clarify

I have not made myself clear, and mostly because I'm making this up as I go, which shouldn't surprise the vast majority of you. So I thought I'd clarify a few things, since the lovely Heather and I hashed out a few things over Fried Pickles at Hooters last night. Who knew Hooters was so cool?

If you have someone in mind to set me up with I think that you should be as honest with him, about the set-up, as possible. We are calling a spade a spade here at the date project and have determined that we will catagorize this as "light dating", i.e. I wouldn't shun a developing relationship, but I'm not actively seeking a commitment. Probably the easiest thing to do is give him my number, give me his number and I'll take it from there. You could also send him to my facebook page, if he feels the need to make sure I'm not a complete wack job. :P

Thank you all so much for being so supportive. I honestly did not expect the positive feedback that I have gotten so far.

'Was' is not 'Is'

Do you ever find aspects of your life colliding? At present I am involved with a production of "As You Like It"; a Shakespeare play. I am also reading "He's Just Not That Into You" (it's research people!) and the two have lots of similarities. There is a scene in ATLI where Rosalind and Celia are discussing the fact that Orlando is two hours late to their appointed meeting. Celia chides Rosalind for making excuses for Orlando, and when Rosalind says 'You have heard him say that he was in love with me' Celia responds 'Was is not is'. Celia could just as easily be Miranda telling Charlotte 'He's just not that into you', or any other modern woman making excuses for a man.

In my life I have not made excuses for a man, the book really doesn't exist for me. I make excuses for myself. I overeat to convince myself that a man couldn't possibly want me, to insulate myself from getting hurt, and to comfort myself that it's every guy's fault for not looking past my chubby exterior to the great person underneath. This is about being honest, and honestly I don't know what is going to happen.

Instant Gratification

What is the first thing that you notice about a date?

When I have been on blind dates in the past, the first thing I notice is height. I'm don't judge the date or person from that one factor, but it is the first thing I am aware of. So what about you my friends?

Brave

I've never been brave when it comes to the opposite sex. I suck at men, there I said it! The thought of approaching someone and asking them out on a date absolutely terrifies me, it's paralyzing. I am reminded that I really haven't spent that much time pursuing relationships, I've been keeping myself busy with everything else as a distraction.

My brain is not even in a plane of reality when it comes to rejection, what I am thinking is not that a guy might say 'no, thanks'. I have this whole scenario in my head wherein he looks me up and down and says 'why would I ever want to go out with an ugly, old hag like you'. Yep, that's where my brain goes. So all of those Cosmo articles that I've read, or online surveys that I've taken are merely academic if I can't put them into practice.

So here I am in a dilemma. How do I deal with a crippling fear?