...there are four days left in the year, I'm saying goodbye to 2009 today here at the Date Project. In this my 77th post I'm going to let go of a year that has been a rollercoaster. Odd number years are always iffy for me. I don't know how to describe it, but even numbered years are always better. I know, I know, it's like a superstition or self-fulfilling prophesy, but that works both ways right? I will have a good 2010.
I will be working backstage for the "Rocky Horror Show" at the Tower Theatre on New Year's Eve this year, which I'm pretty excited about. I will miss Kris and Steve's bash, which is sad, but I also won't have anybody looking at 'Werewolf' and I and shaking their heads, wondering why we're not a couple. It's never intentional on their part, but I know what those looks are about.
New year's would be nothing without resolutions and here's mine:
I will live for myself this year, disregarding what others think I should be doing.
I hope that everyone has a fun and safe New Year's Eve and a great 2010! Love you all,
K
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
New Traditions
Holiday traditions have always been very important to me. I suppose they have always been a way for me to control my environment when I feel the most vulnerable. The problem being that, the last couple of years, my family has made it pretty clear that they have no interest in continuing the traditions that have been in our family for years. With that, and many other factors playing in, I have decided to start creating my own traditions, holiday and otherwise, and not allowing my expectations to get out of hand with regards to my family.
I had the second worst Christmas in my life this year, and I intend to put it behind me and move on.
I had the second worst Christmas in my life this year, and I intend to put it behind me and move on.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Busy Week
It's the holidays, so I'm quite sure that all of you are having the same time issues as me, there never seems to be enough time in the day. So here's what I've been doing over the past week since I've written.
Monday - Circle N sponsored a concert for KJUG, called the 'Jingle Jam', as part of our marketing for the month of December. The fun side of sponsoring these things is that we get free tickets, and for this one we got to go to a VIP party before the concert and meet the band. They are an adorable trio of guys called Love And Theft, if you like modern Country music you should check them out. I hope they get really big, cause I got them to sign my guitar, which already has Chely Wright's signature on it (she is also a Country act). I also got to see Brooke on Monday. She joined us at the concert and for dinner afterwards. It was a really fun night, up until the point that Aunt Karen asked how much I spent on the advertising.
Side note: I just LOVE it when a customer asks a question, and then tells you that your answer is wrong!
Tuesday - I headed north Tuesday night to walk Christmas Tree Lane with Brooke and Jay. I think that by the end of the two mile walk I was unable to form sentences. I'm not in bad shape, but it was cold, and stressful to be out with people that I don't know that well.
Wednesday - Although it was a pretty low-key night, I went out to dinner with Grandma, Aunt Karen and Uncle Jim, which is always a little stressful.
Thursday - Thursday was our big promotion for the month of December, a Men's Night, so that guys could come and pick up all their gifts in one night. We offered free gift wrapping, snacks and drinks, and we had about three guys show up. It was very disappointing. I'd had several people tell me what a great idea they thought it was, a lot of good response form our radio and print ads, and folks telling me that they would be here, but alas, practically no one showed up.
Friday - I went up to Fresno on Firday to spend the day with Brooke. It was a good time, but as always, exhausting because I'm not living up there yet, and I have nowhere to go when I want to just rest. We ended the night at Starline with Nate Butler's Christmas Sing-a-long, which was cool because I saw a few people that I haven't seen for a while. By 10pm I was a pumpkin and drove home.
Saturday - Nicole and Grant's Christmas party. As always, a good time, with lots of catching up and nerd games. I am the real life of the party too, since I fell asleep while playing Werewolf.
Sunday - Family Christmas. Actually, sunday really started with me walking into the house to discover the jug that I had been steeping Limoncello in, in the sink and full of water. My mom decided to clean, and instead of asking, thought that it was some old lemonade and cleaned out the jug. I can not tell you how sick in the stomach this makes me. And sad. There goes my goal of hand made gifts, three gifts down the drain. (Limoncello takes six weeks to make so there's no way to make more) Sunday night we went for our traditional pizza parlor dinner and gifts under the tree with the extended family. What always makes me crazy, is the adults, mainly my grandmother and aunt, who expect the kids to sit patiently before they get gifts and after the gifts are open. 'Stop rough housing!', 'Don't make noise!' 'Behave!', as if they are not kids that are excited that it's Christmas, and that they are getting presents. And then, I find out that my mom and dad have had a fight, and my dad left last night. I just give up!
Monday - Circle N sponsored a concert for KJUG, called the 'Jingle Jam', as part of our marketing for the month of December. The fun side of sponsoring these things is that we get free tickets, and for this one we got to go to a VIP party before the concert and meet the band. They are an adorable trio of guys called Love And Theft, if you like modern Country music you should check them out. I hope they get really big, cause I got them to sign my guitar, which already has Chely Wright's signature on it (she is also a Country act). I also got to see Brooke on Monday. She joined us at the concert and for dinner afterwards. It was a really fun night, up until the point that Aunt Karen asked how much I spent on the advertising.
Side note: I just LOVE it when a customer asks a question, and then tells you that your answer is wrong!
Tuesday - I headed north Tuesday night to walk Christmas Tree Lane with Brooke and Jay. I think that by the end of the two mile walk I was unable to form sentences. I'm not in bad shape, but it was cold, and stressful to be out with people that I don't know that well.
Wednesday - Although it was a pretty low-key night, I went out to dinner with Grandma, Aunt Karen and Uncle Jim, which is always a little stressful.
Thursday - Thursday was our big promotion for the month of December, a Men's Night, so that guys could come and pick up all their gifts in one night. We offered free gift wrapping, snacks and drinks, and we had about three guys show up. It was very disappointing. I'd had several people tell me what a great idea they thought it was, a lot of good response form our radio and print ads, and folks telling me that they would be here, but alas, practically no one showed up.
Friday - I went up to Fresno on Firday to spend the day with Brooke. It was a good time, but as always, exhausting because I'm not living up there yet, and I have nowhere to go when I want to just rest. We ended the night at Starline with Nate Butler's Christmas Sing-a-long, which was cool because I saw a few people that I haven't seen for a while. By 10pm I was a pumpkin and drove home.
Saturday - Nicole and Grant's Christmas party. As always, a good time, with lots of catching up and nerd games. I am the real life of the party too, since I fell asleep while playing Werewolf.
Sunday - Family Christmas. Actually, sunday really started with me walking into the house to discover the jug that I had been steeping Limoncello in, in the sink and full of water. My mom decided to clean, and instead of asking, thought that it was some old lemonade and cleaned out the jug. I can not tell you how sick in the stomach this makes me. And sad. There goes my goal of hand made gifts, three gifts down the drain. (Limoncello takes six weeks to make so there's no way to make more) Sunday night we went for our traditional pizza parlor dinner and gifts under the tree with the extended family. What always makes me crazy, is the adults, mainly my grandmother and aunt, who expect the kids to sit patiently before they get gifts and after the gifts are open. 'Stop rough housing!', 'Don't make noise!' 'Behave!', as if they are not kids that are excited that it's Christmas, and that they are getting presents. And then, I find out that my mom and dad have had a fight, and my dad left last night. I just give up!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Oh, Friends
I've been stood up! My date tonight didn't happen, but don't cry for me Argentina, obviously he wasn't worth my time. I think maybe he was looking for a bootie call, or one night stand, or whatever last night and since I didn't give it up, he didn't think I was worth a second drink. Whatever he thought, he didn't share his thoughts with me. Good thing I'm well able to entertain myself.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
A date?
Yesterday was Adi's 21st birthday, so a bunch of her friends took her out for drinks. We ended up at Visalia Brewing Company, which incidentally I have never been to, where they were doing some karaoke. Not that it's a big surprise, I think they karaoke there every night. At any rate, as I was choosing a song to sing, a gentleman started talking to me. Well, what do you know, I didn't make a complete ass of myself and eventually he bought me a drink. As the night progressed he asked me to dance. And, as we were leaving I gave him my card. He called - 15 minutes later - and asked me out for tonight! Adi and Matt think he might be gay, but hey I'm going to go out with him anyway.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
hey friends
Remember how I have those goals of things I want to accomplish before I turn 34? Well, I wanted to give you a status update.
Goal #2: Start a business: Well, I got my business cards, so I guess All Season Creative is off and running, although I haven't officially done anything yet. Can't check it off yet, but the cards are beautiful (Thanks Laura, you're awesome!).
Goal #4: I am in process on several Christmas gifts, I will post pictures as soon as I give the gifts out.
Goal #7: Well, since none of us can afford to go to Dicken's this year, this goal will have to be scraped. Maybe I can dance with a stranger at a New Year's Party this year?!
Goal #9: I'm on page 50 of "War And Peace"
Goal #32: there aren't many foods that I am scared of, I may need some help.
As for Goal #1: Finish The Date Project - Well, maybe I'll try online dating again.
Loves!
Goal #2: Start a business: Well, I got my business cards, so I guess All Season Creative is off and running, although I haven't officially done anything yet. Can't check it off yet, but the cards are beautiful (Thanks Laura, you're awesome!).
Goal #4: I am in process on several Christmas gifts, I will post pictures as soon as I give the gifts out.
Goal #7: Well, since none of us can afford to go to Dicken's this year, this goal will have to be scraped. Maybe I can dance with a stranger at a New Year's Party this year?!
Goal #9: I'm on page 50 of "War And Peace"
Goal #32: there aren't many foods that I am scared of, I may need some help.
As for Goal #1: Finish The Date Project - Well, maybe I'll try online dating again.
Loves!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Lots of Ground
Oh friends, I have a lot of ground to cover tonight.
I. Over a week since my last post, but a downswing week to be sure. Rest assured I am now on the upswing. Swings? Yes, as in my cycle of mood swings. I think I've officially made a scientific study of these swings and can now say that I have a complete four week cycle figured out.
week one: downshifting; I start to feel bad about myself, therefore I treat myself to copious amounts of Ben & Jerry's, which makes me feel guilty, thereby creating a downward spiral.
week two: bottom of the heap; Wherein I am depressed and don't want to leave my house, bedroom, or even my comfy bed. (usually coincides with "Aunt Flo" visiting)
week three: manic upswing; unbridled optimism and confidence. I always dress the best in this week.
week four: realism; the week that I get the most accomplished, punctuated by list making and cleaning projects.
Now, if I could just figure out how to work out a work schedule that could play to the strengths of my natural rhythms I would be in business.
II. This week I have begun almost all of my Christmas presents, but I'm starting to get nervous that I won't finish them all in the next three weeks. Of course, last year Julia got her present on her birthday in April instead of at Christmas. Hopefully that won't happen again. I was also going to send out Christmas cards this week, but realized that I don't really have the physical addresses of my friends. It is an odd world that we live in, for sure.
III. Tonight I attended the encore performance of Airplane Jayne's one woman show "Looking for my Man-I-Can". It was so funny, and gave me a shot in the arm for this project. Dating and relationships are so strange, but the fun is in sharing your own story and finding people who have been through something similar.
IV. Speaking of - My friend Young Andrew and I have been chatting a bit on facebook, since we both seem to be online in the morning at about the same time. This week we were commiserating and I realized that men's dating lives aren't that different from a woman's. Miscommunications, misread signals, and hurt feelings. Of course, that thought brought to mind Jag's bit of wisdom from several months ago, that 'a man must jump over barriers whilst a woman is simultaneously lowering them'. What a dog and pony show this dating is. The fact is that my barriers are there for a reason (daddy issues) and there don't seem to be any men trying to jump those barriers at the moment.
V. That thought makes me wonder if the men who were going to try to jump my barriers have tried already. I've had my alotment, rejected them, and am now forever doomed to singleton status.
The year I turned 20 was one of the worst of my life, my parents divorce, dropping out of Westmont (though, definitely the right decision), and a job at my old high school as a coach for the colorguard. That job made me so fucking miserable, although, in hindsight, it probably saved me from finishing my degree in English with a teaching credential, getting a job as a teacher and living a life of pure misery. The one bright spot of the job was a guy named Chris that I had gone to school with. Chris was the drumline coach, a super D & D nerd, but very sweet. Unfortunately Chris decided that it would be really cute for us to become a couple. Without consulting me about this decision. I liked Chris, as a friend, in fact at the time he was probably my best friend, but I was not ready for him to start sending me bouquets of roses, or make suggestive remarks in front of our students. He came on really strong and I immediately retreated, threw up every barrier I could find, think of, whatever. Luckily, the next month I got fired, and I haven't seen him since, but I do wish I could go back and tell him to chill out. I might have responded to more subtlety.
BTW, if you are in the Fresno area this coming week there are a few things I plan to attend and you should too. One is the Circle de Noel show, it's a bunch of Fresno based etsy sellers, getting together and selling their crafts and art on Dec. 10th. I'll try to get more info and post it. The other thing is White Rice Christmas at KP's Actor's Gym. It's about Asian immigrant's experiences with the American version of Christmas.
I. Over a week since my last post, but a downswing week to be sure. Rest assured I am now on the upswing. Swings? Yes, as in my cycle of mood swings. I think I've officially made a scientific study of these swings and can now say that I have a complete four week cycle figured out.
week one: downshifting; I start to feel bad about myself, therefore I treat myself to copious amounts of Ben & Jerry's, which makes me feel guilty, thereby creating a downward spiral.
week two: bottom of the heap; Wherein I am depressed and don't want to leave my house, bedroom, or even my comfy bed. (usually coincides with "Aunt Flo" visiting)
week three: manic upswing; unbridled optimism and confidence. I always dress the best in this week.
week four: realism; the week that I get the most accomplished, punctuated by list making and cleaning projects.
Now, if I could just figure out how to work out a work schedule that could play to the strengths of my natural rhythms I would be in business.
II. This week I have begun almost all of my Christmas presents, but I'm starting to get nervous that I won't finish them all in the next three weeks. Of course, last year Julia got her present on her birthday in April instead of at Christmas. Hopefully that won't happen again. I was also going to send out Christmas cards this week, but realized that I don't really have the physical addresses of my friends. It is an odd world that we live in, for sure.
III. Tonight I attended the encore performance of Airplane Jayne's one woman show "Looking for my Man-I-Can". It was so funny, and gave me a shot in the arm for this project. Dating and relationships are so strange, but the fun is in sharing your own story and finding people who have been through something similar.
IV. Speaking of - My friend Young Andrew and I have been chatting a bit on facebook, since we both seem to be online in the morning at about the same time. This week we were commiserating and I realized that men's dating lives aren't that different from a woman's. Miscommunications, misread signals, and hurt feelings. Of course, that thought brought to mind Jag's bit of wisdom from several months ago, that 'a man must jump over barriers whilst a woman is simultaneously lowering them'. What a dog and pony show this dating is. The fact is that my barriers are there for a reason (daddy issues) and there don't seem to be any men trying to jump those barriers at the moment.
V. That thought makes me wonder if the men who were going to try to jump my barriers have tried already. I've had my alotment, rejected them, and am now forever doomed to singleton status.
The year I turned 20 was one of the worst of my life, my parents divorce, dropping out of Westmont (though, definitely the right decision), and a job at my old high school as a coach for the colorguard. That job made me so fucking miserable, although, in hindsight, it probably saved me from finishing my degree in English with a teaching credential, getting a job as a teacher and living a life of pure misery. The one bright spot of the job was a guy named Chris that I had gone to school with. Chris was the drumline coach, a super D & D nerd, but very sweet. Unfortunately Chris decided that it would be really cute for us to become a couple. Without consulting me about this decision. I liked Chris, as a friend, in fact at the time he was probably my best friend, but I was not ready for him to start sending me bouquets of roses, or make suggestive remarks in front of our students. He came on really strong and I immediately retreated, threw up every barrier I could find, think of, whatever. Luckily, the next month I got fired, and I haven't seen him since, but I do wish I could go back and tell him to chill out. I might have responded to more subtlety.
BTW, if you are in the Fresno area this coming week there are a few things I plan to attend and you should too. One is the Circle de Noel show, it's a bunch of Fresno based etsy sellers, getting together and selling their crafts and art on Dec. 10th. I'll try to get more info and post it. The other thing is White Rice Christmas at KP's Actor's Gym. It's about Asian immigrant's experiences with the American version of Christmas.
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