It's Official!

I am now 33 years old.

Credit where it's due

People have been asking where this crazy idea of mine come from, and I have to give most of the credit to my good friend Brooke. Brooke and I tend to have a pretty open line of communication, so when I told her a few weeks ago that I was just going to give up on the dating game, she told me that I'd never even started. I was slightly annoyed by this observation, but when I really thought about it, I realized that I was annoyed because I knew she was telling the truth. I haven't dated that much and I certainly haven't put myself out there in an inviting way at all. So here I am, throwing myself into the world. Thanks Brooke!

Awkward

Miss Obnoxious Dumbass, complete with her hyena laugh decided to make an appearance last night when James Sherrill and Alicia Buss brought Jeff, to our performance, to meet me.

Now Jeff seems like a really nice guy, but shy, very very shy. When I introduced myself after the show, he complimented my singing (points for him), but Lisi, god bless her, jumped into the convo and Jeff faded out of it. In her defence, Lisi had no idea there was a set up happening, and was so very sweet with her compliments. I attempted another burst of conversation after getting out of costume and helping to clean up backstage, but struck out. We headed, in a group of 8, to Denny's for an after show bite and that is where Miss OD decided to surface. You see, my friends, when I get nervous I get loud. It's an out of body experience really, an instinctual attempt to be the life of the party, complete with sexual innuendo, grating laughter, and command of the conversation. I see it happening and can not stop myself. Did I ask him about himself? No. Thank him for coming to see the show? No. Listen to anything he had to say? No. Of course that is what I looked like from the inside, I can not imagine what my dinner companions saw, so if you were there please enlighten me.

I did have the good sense to pull out my card and suggest that he call me. Or rather, I think my exact words were "You should call me, goodnight everyone". Not awkward at all, very smooth Kristin.

Big thank you to James and Alicia, and my new PR agent Heather, I hope that at some point in this project I can make this worth all of your investment.

Clarify

I have not made myself clear, and mostly because I'm making this up as I go, which shouldn't surprise the vast majority of you. So I thought I'd clarify a few things, since the lovely Heather and I hashed out a few things over Fried Pickles at Hooters last night. Who knew Hooters was so cool?

If you have someone in mind to set me up with I think that you should be as honest with him, about the set-up, as possible. We are calling a spade a spade here at the date project and have determined that we will catagorize this as "light dating", i.e. I wouldn't shun a developing relationship, but I'm not actively seeking a commitment. Probably the easiest thing to do is give him my number, give me his number and I'll take it from there. You could also send him to my facebook page, if he feels the need to make sure I'm not a complete wack job. :P

Thank you all so much for being so supportive. I honestly did not expect the positive feedback that I have gotten so far.

'Was' is not 'Is'

Do you ever find aspects of your life colliding? At present I am involved with a production of "As You Like It"; a Shakespeare play. I am also reading "He's Just Not That Into You" (it's research people!) and the two have lots of similarities. There is a scene in ATLI where Rosalind and Celia are discussing the fact that Orlando is two hours late to their appointed meeting. Celia chides Rosalind for making excuses for Orlando, and when Rosalind says 'You have heard him say that he was in love with me' Celia responds 'Was is not is'. Celia could just as easily be Miranda telling Charlotte 'He's just not that into you', or any other modern woman making excuses for a man.

In my life I have not made excuses for a man, the book really doesn't exist for me. I make excuses for myself. I overeat to convince myself that a man couldn't possibly want me, to insulate myself from getting hurt, and to comfort myself that it's every guy's fault for not looking past my chubby exterior to the great person underneath. This is about being honest, and honestly I don't know what is going to happen.

Instant Gratification

What is the first thing that you notice about a date?

When I have been on blind dates in the past, the first thing I notice is height. I'm don't judge the date or person from that one factor, but it is the first thing I am aware of. So what about you my friends?

Brave

I've never been brave when it comes to the opposite sex. I suck at men, there I said it! The thought of approaching someone and asking them out on a date absolutely terrifies me, it's paralyzing. I am reminded that I really haven't spent that much time pursuing relationships, I've been keeping myself busy with everything else as a distraction.

My brain is not even in a plane of reality when it comes to rejection, what I am thinking is not that a guy might say 'no, thanks'. I have this whole scenario in my head wherein he looks me up and down and says 'why would I ever want to go out with an ugly, old hag like you'. Yep, that's where my brain goes. So all of those Cosmo articles that I've read, or online surveys that I've taken are merely academic if I can't put them into practice.

So here I am in a dilemma. How do I deal with a crippling fear?